A Vocal Point

Photo by Jacob Mejicanos on Unsplash

Every now and then a bit of research comes along that turns commonly accepted wisdom upside down. And so it was in 2015 with a study of howler monkeys and chimpanzees.

According to the New York Times, the researchers concluded that to gain a mating advantage, species evolved either to make very low frequency sounds, or to have much larger testicles.

But none had both.

For human men, the possible ramifications of this conclusion are world-altering, even though the Times article clearly states the research examined differences between species and so it has no application to human beings.

But our imaginations are not limited by such inconvenient facts.

It’s obvious, when all’s compared,
that “E” equates to “MC squared.”
And likewise, with a monkey’s calls,
A sexy voice means teensy balls.

If human beings follow suit
the big-balled man sounds like a flute.
and deep voiced guys (like Barry White)
can wear their trousers extra tight.

While penny ante Pavarottis,
(Never seen by girls as hotties)
Make their trade-off down below –
With every squeak, cojones grow.

So fellows with a treble voice
must favor baggy slacks by choice.
Though baritones get the romance,
a tenor needs room in his pants.

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